How do you sell God?

At the end of 2016 I was cold calling strangers and meeting them (in dark alleys) at coffee shops. Those who know me even a little bit would be drop their jaw at this maneuver because I hate talking to people I don’t know. It is no secret that I can be socially awkward and standoffish and I hate chit chat. I like to get down to the nitty gritty: tell me your hopes, dreams, failures, brokenness. It also doesn’t help that I suffer from a rare case of RBF (resting brat face), making finding new friends a challenge. But I’m really nice, I swear. I went to school to provide Anesthesia. That’s how much I like talking- I prefer my clients asleep hah! I’m not a total jerk, just an introvert. Socializing, smiling, complimenting, empathizing- those all take energy. Lately I’ve been trying to cultivate more energy through yoga and thyroid booster pills. 🙂Back to my story: I received word of a new pyramid scheme that was a startup in my area. I found out I would be getting in on the ground floor only three spots away from the founder. I was very intrigued because knowing how these things work: you have to start out at the top of the pyramid to really reap some rewards. So I took the financial risk and decided I could get on board with selling (magical) herbal supplements and vitamins. Because what the world needs now is magic, sweet magic. In the months to come I got my packet in the mail and slipped into an organizational coma. I loved keeping track of EVERYTHING, including a scale I came up with to rate where people were at between no-maybe-yes on “drinking my koolaid.” Every day I would check my pyramid. Slowly it started to grow- I got one person to sign up. Yassss! And then more people started appearing under them. Then finally I was one more person away from the first promotion: getting MY products for free. After that happens, my sponsors claimed it was all downhill from there. Now I was excited. I dreamed of having a side hustle that would allow me to one day to quit my job. I imagined having freshly manicured nails, wearing my Lululemon outfit having brunch with the other stay at home yoga moms with perfect lipstick. In the meantime, life (God) was moving things. Sometimes I picture him playing chess where the different parts of my life are the pieces. We found our dream home at the perfect heaven-ordained moment. Five days later I was laid off. A rare thing in healthcare but I worked for a small company and business is business. So I sadly was forced to abandon my new dream since we were on high alert financially until I found a new gig. I might have been able to continue it financially and have made it work but I could never get that last person to sign up. In addition to being introverted, I am also a recovering people pleaser. I say recovering because I don’t want that to be something I identify with any longer. My new mantra is “I act according to my values and integrity.” I care deeply at times what people think of me and my actions and that is not ok with me. It keeps me from being my true self instead of I’m just that “nice, quiet girl.” This is one reason I have historically struggled with sharing my faith with others. I don’t want people to think I’m a freak walking around praising God! (Amen). But somehow I can muster up the (fake) courage to call people I don’t know and try to get them to buy my (magic) pills?! That’s when I realized, holy cow,religion is a pyramid scheme! Think about it, there are so many parallels!

For one, there’s one dude at the top.

That’s how a pyramid is shaped- pointy. Otherwise it would be a plateau. That big honcho is the MAN. He is getting more perks, more praise than anyone below. Everyone is working for him and all their efforts multiply as it goes up the chain. He gets all the glory and fame. Sounds familiar! All those workers below are out (hopefully) giving it their all to recruit more people. More people=more glory. They are all there for HIM, not the other way around.

If you don’t work at it, your side of the pyramid atrophies.

Whether you think of it as a tree or a pyramid, everyone is part of a side to maintain its shape. It gets bigger and bigger as you go further down and people recruit more people. But if you’re a slacker your side doesn’t look as fruitful. It takes everyone doing their part to make it grow.

“Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” Matthew 28:19

There are still those who join but decide it’s too much work.

You get people psyched up and everyone’s losing their minds at the possibility of all those blessings- so they’re all in. And then life happens. They lose their jobs or their marriage falls apart and they decide it’s no longer worth the risk. They (me) go back to what they know, what’s familiar, what’s safe. They bow out, sometimes unnoticed, leaving a gaping hole in your tree, in the pyramid scheme and the body of Christ.

You’re not accepted by your homies.

It’s apparently common knowledge in the multilevel marketing world to get more fruit from people who barely know you compared to those closest to you. Jesus experienced the same thing when he went home to Nazareth. Those he knew growing up didn’t accept his message:

“Then Jesus told them, ‘A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his relatives and his own family’.” Mark 6:1-6.

Self help is like finding a new religion. –Amy E. Smith.

Likewise, finding a new religion is like a multilevel marketing (MLM) scheme. You have people who hear your message and are totally stoked (do kids still say that these days) and jump on board full speed. Or you have those that let you doyou but don’t want any part of it. They unfollow your insta, annoyed that it’s all you talk about anymore. They mostly just think you’ve gone cray cray. Meanwhile you’re looking at them thinking, wow you could really use some of my magic! You would love it if you would just give it a try! Come back here and let me love you!”

There are some major fruits to be had.

At my first meeting I went to a lady’s house who was 2nd in line in the company that hadn’t even launched yet. She had mahogany bookshelves, pristine furnishings, lush carpet, and (clearly) a maid. Neither her nor her husband worked- they jumped on the MLM bandwagon with a different product started by the same millionaire who was now starting this new company. They talked about “their first million” and “leaving their careers.” I thought to myself, “I want that- what they have.” Similarly in Christianity, when you tell your “story”- how God has worked in your life- other people want that. Other people want the peace and direction and self control and gratitude and joy that comes with it.

Sometimes it requires cold calls.

That random person at the grocery store, the bus stop, the movie theater. People you don’t even know might be your best recruit. You never know what people are needing until you present it.

The payout (blessing) can be a bit of wait.

Some people see immediate change in their lives when they become a Christian. The blessing just flow. They get a promotion or a clean bill of health, or the guilt just falls off. Others may struggle for years without seeing change. Just be patient and stick with it. You’re only out of the game if you quit.

Help a sister out.

Like in MLM, in Christianity there is strength in numbers. Two are better than one. Ten is stronger than two. Hold “marketing meetings,” encourage each other, take up the slack of the weaker members.

You have to meet them where they are.

If you’re wanting to sell magic pills (God) to people you’re going to have to go out of your way. You meet them on their schedule near their work/home. Just like God meets us where we are. If you’re drunk on your kitchen floor crying out for help. If you’re locked out of your house. If you’ve just lost all your money at the casino. If you’ve just signed divorce papers. If you’re in the bathroom talking yourself into getting the courage to tell your parents about your pregnancy. Wherever you are Jesus will meet you there and show you the way. For me, it was sitting on my bed saying “God if you are there you have to help me or I am going to give up on life.” And He kept saying “leave.” And so I did.

Don’t be pushy.

The best evidence that a product works is how it has changed the lives of those who use it. “Girl your lipstick is always on point.” “Oh it’s this new stuff I found you gotta try it.” But flip it where the lipstick lady shoves it in her friends face and claims it will change her life- that’s not very appealing. Likewise, if we are always shoving Jesus down people’s throats it’s less palatable. But if they see how we have changed as people- the fruits that are budding- they will want some of what we got!

“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” James‬ ‭4:8‬

Fear Camping

A couple weeks ago I was talking to someone who is afraid of heights- even 2nd story balconies gets them woozy. I thought of the most extreme heights activity: sleeping, hanging on the side of a mountain (cliff camping). I asked if they could do that for a briefcase full of cash (my favorite game of inquiry). Their response was so intriguing to me I’m still thinking about it weeks later:

“If I had to do that I think I would just jump.”

To clarify I asked, “so you’re saying you’d do the very thing you were afraid of happening just to avoid the feeling?

“Yes.”

Ok y’all let’s break this down. Let’s say you’re doing something that causes a heaping amount of fear (stuttering while public speaking, standing up to your boss) so you DO the thing you’re afraid of happening- you end up stuttering during your speech, you appear timid when standing up to your boss. To avoid the feeling of fear you just jump right off the cliff into the pit. By this we can deduce that:

The pain of dying (jumping into the feared action) is less than the PAIN of fear.

Satan loves fear! We literally become self-fulfilling prophesies by jumping to the thing that we fear happening. Since then I’ve called this scenario jumping off the cliff. For example, your mom makes a triggering comment that makes you FEEL like there’s a hint of rejection in it. Rather than sit there in your “fear-filled cliff hammock” and just FEEL THE FEAR, you jump off the cliff and go strait to rejecting HER with the cold shoulder or a snarky comment. It’s more comfortable to sit in that familiar pain than to feel the feeling of fear.

There’s nothing wrong with being afraid- fear is one of those instincts gifted to us by God to keep us safe. Without it we would surely die to lions and tigers and bears (oh my!). But fear is just an EMOTION- like sadness, excitement- it is just another red light in our dash board. Our emotions (dash lights) alert us to POSSIBLE issues. As with any emotion- anger, sadness- it matters what you DO when you’re feeling these feelings. Feelings will always come and go but you have the CHOICE of what to do when they come.

Once in my late teens my “service engine light” came on the dash of my car. I informed my mom and she told me to service it right away because it could be a serious issue. I took my car into the shop. They ran a $75 test. The results came back as my gas cap wasn’t screwed on tight enough. I was thankful it wasn’t an expensive issue – but it was a $75 lesson. Likewise, our emotions are warning lights that show up on our theoretical ‘feelings dashboard.’ They are only there to alert us of a POSSIBLE problem. It takes our discernment and wisdom to run the “test” and decide if it’s the transmission or a screw cap came loose (hah!).

Where we live in the Midwest of the USA we are mostly threat free majority of the time- we get in our vehicles, go to work, pick up the kids, do homework, go out to eat, watch a movie, go to bed. Very little actual threats to our lives happen- there are no bears jumping out of bushes, no wolves hiding in the darkness. But we still maintain the dashboard lights for these primal instincts. So we replace them with other threats: fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of heights, fear of loneliness, fear of intimacy, fear of imperfection.

I invite you to take notice of what your fears are. Thank your soul for giving you these fears in order to help keep you safe. Then make a note of what your actions are when you’re afraid. Are you doing the very thing you’re afraid of? Are you becoming a self-fulfilling prophesy?

I’m a firm believer in the theory of thought: Whatever you think you are, you are.

What is the connection between fear, faith?

“As He got into the boat, His disciples followed Him. Suddenly, a violent storm arose on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves. But He was sleeping. So the disciples came and woke Him up, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to die! ” But He said to them, “Why are you fearful, you of little faith? ” Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea. And there was a great calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? — even the winds and the sea obey Him! ””

Matthew 8:23-27 HCSB

The only weapon we have to combat fear is faith.

I don’t have to fear if my Heavenly Father loves me- I know he always will. I don’t have to fear how I’m going to pay the bills if my husband divorces me- I know God will find a way. I don’t have to fear what I will do with my life after my house has burned down- I know God will provide. I don’t have to fear what the girls are saying about me behind my back- I know who I am in Christ.

Let me remind you that you have been given an incredible power. You can call upon it at any time! Give voice to your fears, tell God about them. And then tell your fears these truths:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.”

2 Timothy 1:7 HCSB

http://bible.com/72/2ti.1.7.hcsb

There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears has not reached perfection in love.”

1 John 4:18 HCSB

“Cast all your care on Him, because He cares about you.”

1 Peter 5:7 HCSB

“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable — if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise — dwell on these things.”

Philippians 4:8 HCSB

“I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.””

John 16:33 HCSB

“The Lord is the One who will go before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.””

Deuteronomy 31:8 HCSB

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